This morning I stood up and scuffed to the sofa in silence, waiting for my brain to fuel: where am I – on my aunt´s sofa in her house in Kitz. What century am I in?-supposedly the 21st. What time is it?- 9.30am. Looking down to my socks I passively observe the christmas-Grinch smiling at my family members, while they walk around me totally and helplessly stressed out.
It´s way to soon to understand why everyone is up already and I just take the situation as it is, watching things pass by. My brother needs a new shirt. “It´s sunday”, I tell him, “all shops are closed”. He mumbles something and then settles to use his light blue one. “Where are the others?” I ask him while I sit next to the bald Christmas tree, my eyes still glued together by the little sleep. Instead of making a meticulous list of every person out of 15 people in the house, he grumbles something like “I don´t know” or “I don´t care” or maybe both. I can´t blame him, it´s very hard to understand the migration-movements in our house. After some time I move to the kitchen downstairs and right there I am presented with the following scenario: My murderous aunt is replacing christmas decoration with some other gold stuff. My nonna is holding up a conversation about the marzipan piglets with my dad. My cousin and his friends are ready to go ski. I´m confused, they speak Italian and English to each other and German to me, too much to deal with for having just woken up. I smile and sit by the table, make tea. My brother goes again “I need a white shirt” I tell him it´s still sunday and given that I answered this question already, I assume his brain didn´t fuel yet either and throw him bread in the toaster.
I don´t understand. Why is everyone so active this morning? Then I see the wine bottles and the marzipan-piglets and I compute: it´s sunday, 31st of december. 2017´s last day. The 31st bitch- a surprise nobody expected.
I´m in a very good mood, must be the Grinch on my socks. And there´s only one thing that I love more than being in a good mood: smearing my positiveness in grumpy, stressed out, hopeless, busy faces. “Hey, how cool is that! It´s the 31st of december” I LOL. Everyone makes a small break from what they´re doing and I hear my positiveness disappear in an abyss of hatred. While everyone goes on with their tedious activities, I think of what I should do on this special day. For being a non-skier in Kitzbühel, the best I can think of is planning a sunny walk around the city.
On my sunny walk I notice how the 31st´s grumpiness affected not only my fam, but apparently the whole town, too. -Including especially the young woman working at the pharmacy-. I wonder why. It´s not about the 31st´s unexpected arrival, that´s just the trigger: there must be more to it.
The 31st of december is the billing day of the year. We stand in a limbo with a check of expectations we had and look into our porte-monnaie at the actual experiences we made throughout the year. As every year, it´s really hard to collect some extra tips, we mostly go into depth and hope for the next year to be a more prosperous one.
Tell me if I´m wrong here. Don´t we all promise to ourselves to become a better, a different version of ourselves? Don´t we all make new year´s resolutions, with the aim of having a fresh start to evolve into the complete stranger we would like to be? Assume this is the case. Then the 31st represents some sort of day of frustration; the day we realise how disloyal we have been to our goals (mostly forgetting how we did in fact achieve some of our resolutions).
Personally, I hold that making actual, practical resolutions for a whole new year is too complex. All I can think of is theoretic approaches such as “make every second of the next year count, by diving into every day fully and enjoying my time with friends, family and new interesting people”. This is and will probably always be my resolution, however the most effective ones are the ones I make on my way through the day-by-day life. Thus, NYE is some kind of fresh start, but the 00.00am countdown is on a big scale the same as my alarm at 7am every morning on a small scale.
Still, looking ahead to 2018 I would like to stop and wonder about new things and to share them, as they are general and applicable to everyone.
Listen. Have open ears for all perspectives, tinker your own opinion without preempting.
Risk. Take the risk to be hurt when expressing yourself, when being yourself and when speaking up for yourself. Because, I quote: Those who mind don´t matter and those who matter, don´t mind.
Be kind. Be kind to yourself and be kind to others.
Feel at ease. Accept your mistakes, accept those of others, make them part of who you are and they will probably not appear to be mistakes anymore.
And most importantly:
Love. Think about love, read about love, love strangers, family, friends, lovers, love yourself. Cry about love, scream about love, laugh about love, hide in love, speak up for love, forgive with love. Love the unknown and the knowledge you gain. Love your past and live your present, embracing your future with love.
Love, and be foolish for love, be foolish about love, be foolish due to love.
Today, the 31st of december, when counting down the last seconds of 2017, we might wish for change. We might wish to be somewhere with someone we´re not at and with.
You might wish for revolution. But this new year, do not wish: do.